Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
