Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize