I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
