You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
