It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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