Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
