I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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