...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
tequila makes me forget i have legs
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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