I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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