My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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