evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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