so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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