you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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