we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
