i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
