im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
