Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
