We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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