my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
