I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
