Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
