i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
even my farts smell like vagina
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize