Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
