I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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