wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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