hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
