brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
