you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
