don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
