So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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