Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
