She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
