Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
