It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
