Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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