yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
40s are totally the cure
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
