At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
