She announced her abortion via fbk
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
