He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
