I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize