Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
