ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize