Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize