alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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