lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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