just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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