i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
