I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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