if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
