It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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