We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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