Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
