We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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