where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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