wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
