wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
