Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
