Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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