Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
