i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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