waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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