everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
