Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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