Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
