I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
