He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
