Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
