If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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