Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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