So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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